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proper

earlier this year, a few members of the velo club peloton headed east to mallorca for a week's worth of sun, sea and cycling a lot of kilometres in more amenable weather conditions that usually experienced in the principality. of course, the irony of the situation was that, while they were honing their tan lines, those of us left at home were doing precisely the same, having received weather that would not have disgraced any of the usual vacation haunts. strangely enough, on their return, there were definite hints of sharper tan lines, where the remainers looked every bit as pasty as you'd expect. of course, being on holiday, they'd had the benefit of being able to ride each and every day; some of us have to work for a living.

it is, more or less, the expected behaviour of the intrepid velocipedinist, that on return from a training camp in mallorca, minorca, tenerife, tuscany (delete as applicable), the first thing to be done prior to chucking all that cycling kit in the washingmachine and oiling the chain, is to immediately search online for the next training camp venue, even if that might be several months away. in many cases, aside from the suffering meted out to those intent on climbing the highest hills or mountains available abroad, the only others to suffer are the better halves, either left behind or dragged along to spend their vacation beside the pool, or on the beach. but i believe the whole paradigm has resulted from the professionals spending weeks at altitude, or the occasional month in early season sun, readying them ahead of a full season in the saddle.

for those involved in operating such sociable training breaks, it can only be seen as a successful approach to mistaken fantasy on behalf of the participants. let me ask you, if you are resident in the uk, where we still adhere to imperial distance measurements, is your garmin, wahoo or other bar-mounted gps device, calibrated in kilometres (i know mine is)? why is that? in my case, it's a vain attempt to compare my miserably low speeds and distances with those of the professionals. rather than seeking validation, personally, i'm simply underlining the difference between them and me. to watch a mountain stage of le tour, where the victor crosses the line having suffered over three category one climbs with an average speed in excess of that i could realistically achieve downhill with a galeforce tailwind, simply undermines any thoughts that, even in my prime, i could even come close. very much a case of we are not worthy. those of you who have similarly calibrated their gps devices may have differing reasons.

but the option of taking in one or two training camps across the year is not a new revelation; i recall summer training camps led by robert millar/pippa york way back in the day, and she retired in 1995. and perhaps rather obviously, there's really nothing wrong with wanting to spend a week or two in warmer climes and on far smoother roads, rather than remaining in blighty for more rain and wind.

or is there?

i have mentioned on a couple of occasions, originally intended as light humour, that i was thinking of operating annual training camps in november for those expecting to do well in the spring classics. it still remains a mystery to me why those hoping for victory at flanders, roubaix or dwar doors, would spend their training hours riding within the crater of mt teide, where the movie 'one million years bc' was filmed. surely far better to plough along the singletrack roads around loch gorm, battered by galeforce atlantic winds and horizontal rain? however, even those who comprise the velo club peloton are less than keen to undertake the latter.

i might cite yesterday morning as verifiable evidence. despite my having played two three hour gigs over friday and saturday eve, along with an early rise at stupid o'clock on saturday morning to distribute copies of the newspaper, i was still to be found riding to debbie's at lunchtime on sunday, only to learn that none of the others had bothered to turn-up. sunday morning featured a stiff southerly wind, peppered with regular rain showers; what might be termed proper weather, the very stuff of which characters are built. and since very few of us have anything like a heavy season ahead of us, would we not be better simply embracing the reality we're likely to be facing on almost a daily basis? especially if you happen to be domiciled on scotland's west coast.

when i point out to friends and acquaintances that sunny, dry and calm weather inhabits the realm of the namby-pamby, hardly challenging in any way, and that what is needed is the more usual wind and rain, i'm pretty sure that they think i'm just kidding.

but i'm not.

monday 28 july 2025

numbers game

in the days before electricity on bicycles, it was not uncommon to attach a a counter to a front fork leg, and a metal pin to one of the spokes, which, on each revolution, would spin a little cog attached to the counter and advance it by one more digit. it seems not to have occurred to any of us that the numbers displayed on this little counter, related to absolutely nothing whatsoever, other than the number of revolutions of the front wheel. amongst the kids that had those fitted, there were bragging rights as to the size of the three digit number, but those were undoubtedly a transition from the days of innocence.

spin forward to my early years in the hebrides, and my road bike featured a cateye computer, actuated by a magnet attachd to the front wheel, the passing of which was recorded by a sensor attached to the fork leg, and conjoined to the head unit by a very fragile wire threaded up the fork leg, and along the stem. those were the wires that often suffered breakage when either attempting to raise the bar height via the once ubiquitous quill-stem, or during removal. over the course of the year when first fitted, i had mentally set a target of 3,000 miles, a distance i was closing in on as the end of december came ever nearer.

disappointingly, the magic number was unlikely to be displayed on that cateye come 31 december, despite riding all manner of obscure little roads in the hope of achieving my target. it causes me no little embarrassment to admit that i finally resorted to turning the bike upside down in the back garden and spinning the front wheel until 3,000 eventually showed on the lcd panel. it was at that point it became painfully obvious that i had been suckered into playing the numbers game. nobody else in the hebrides could actually care less what mileage i achievd in any given year, so my pathetic attempt to reach the target was essentially all for nothing.

cycling's magnificent heritage simply laughs in the face of numbers. the years of bartali, coppi, anquetil and even eddy merckx were the times of heroic rides, of man against the elements and of embroidered wool jerseys the likes of which we will, sadly, never see again. i would hardly argue against the accusation that those years are now seen through rose-tinted glasses, but it would be every bit as hard to argue that those were different times, when human endeavour seemed of far greater importance than the digital age in which we now find ourselves.

the latest issue of the comic features a lengthy article that encapsulates this year's tour de france in a series of numbers: power outputs, heart-rates, speeds, calories, bike weights, all the sort of stuff that is part anad parcel of the modern, professional sport. i've no doubt there is still a level of emotion involved; one need only witness the flood of tears displayed by kaden groves on winning stage twenty of this year's tour, but other than that, i'm not sure that the emotion is being transferred to those of us with a vested interest in the sport. but obviously the prime directive (as the borg would say) is ever increasing speeds, and it's obviously working. one of the tour peloton had been credited with the highest speed attained during those three weeks in july: 75kph. but according to an on-screen highlight during yesterday's stage, pogacar was apportioned a speed of 86kph.

but there are other numbers associated with modern cycle racing that are every bit as scary, particularly if they're likely to affect the cash in our pockets. for instance, a set of enve wheels, as presumably ridden by tadej, will set you back £4,500. the sad part of that is the knowledge that tadej and his pals are given those wheels free of charge, but then, they have greater outcomes at stake. if we presume that a set of these wheels will actually make you faster, you'd surely have to balance the cost against the potential glory. in other words, the manufacturers are developing componentry specifically for the professionals, then trying to sell them to you and i on the basis of the achievements of the pros. but, as a result of the numbers of calories that can now be ingested by the sport's top riders, and the training that brought them there, wheels, bars, tyres etc., are but the icing on the cake.

we are not them, but their inexorable clambering for the podium is having an endless and not necessarily equitable influence upon our little corner of the road. what would eddy do?

sunday 27 july 2025

user friendly

in the newspaper office, there are two xerox colour laser printers, large machines featuring five paper trays and the option of photocopying in both mono and colour. these two machines, to all intent and purpose, are identical, though one does appear to have more apps on the control panel than the other, apps that, to be honest, are rarely, if ever, used. i never cease to be amazed at how these blocks of electronics, motors and rollers can translate whatever is on my computer screen into toner on paper, and at impressive speed. to print 1100 a3 mono pages, takes a mere forty minutes, and barely five minutes more to print the same number of colour pages. but the real marvel is surely how such technology was invented in the first place.

even if i'd had the original idea, i'd have not the faintest idea how to make it happen; my comprehension of the page description language, postscript, as will be the case for the majority, is pretty much non-existent.

however, as with anything that involves unparalleled complexity, it can go wrong at times, and that is the state of affairs at present for the older of the two machines. on thursday morning, i entered the office with the intent of printing more pages, to be greeted with the message: 'system error. power off then on and contact system administrator'. the irony of that bland statement, is that i am the system administrator, but i have not an earthly clue as to what to do next. however, technology such as this can help out with diagnostics, if you have the big book that tells you what it all means. i don't have that book.

a quick check of the error codes provided several digits that could be passed onto a xerox technician with a far better idea of such matters than yours truly. he identified that the problem related to the magenta print head (colour printers of all types, rely on black, cyan, magenta and yellow to create colour images). though there are many more user-accessible components than was once the case, print heads are not amongst their number, therefore requiring an engineer visit.

the engineer pulled out the magenta print head to identify the source of the problem as a cable clip that would no longer remain attached to its designated socket. try as he might, the clip refused to do as it was bid, necessitating the ordering of a replacement print head, cable and clip. because we're not quite at the centre of the known universe, that will probably take the better part of a week to arrive (i believe many of the parts for xerox printers are sourced from the netherlands), following which we'll need to arrange for the engineer to pay a further visit. meanwhile we will have to rely on the remaining printer. that's why we have two of these devices, and believe me, they cost more than a replica tadej pogacar colnago.

but talking of bicycles, where once each was relatively simple enough to allow user intervention, that state of affairs is gradually edging away. the principle behind indexed gearing is relatively simple enough to comprehend and implement, even if replacing the cable and having to start from scratch. many of the bearings on contemporary bicycles are now of the cartridge variety, and assuming you can identify the specific type, pretty easy to replace. even loose bearings are easy enough, if a tad more finicky, depending on which variety you find yourself in charge. bar tape can be a real pain, but it is doable, as is changing tyres, tubes, tubeless faff and oiling a chain.

the two awkward bits are hydraulics (brakes) and electronics, (gears). the former is obviously something with which most of us can come to terms, but in my experience, electronics either work, or they don't.

so why is this of interest?

well, though there will always be groups of individuals too far from a bike shop for convenience, who may have little choice but to learn the art of do-it-yourself, retail outlets of all kinds are finding modern economics more and more of a trial, with bricks and mortar gradually succumbing to the internet. as we all know, the internet can't service your bicycle. and should that prove to be the case in the future, more and more of us might find ourselves without recourse to a local bike shop, when stuff stops working. in which case, bicycle and component manufacturers might have to consider implementing a few more user-replaceable parts, those which no longer require specialist tools. and more of us will probably have to get used to being rider and mechanic.

just a (sobering) thought.

saturday 26 july 2025

so few questions

colnago's recommended tyre pressures for the c68 vary depending on several factors, including rider weight, terrain, and tyre type. however, it is generally suggested to follow the tyre manufacturer's guidelines, which often fall in the range of 80-120 psi for road tyres. for the most accurate recommendation, consider the specific tyre brand and model you are using on the c68. always ensure that the tyre pressure is suitable for your unique riding conditions and style. For optimal performance, consulting with a colnago dealer or a professional bike shop is advisable.

i don't actually own a colnago c68, so the above quote is purely of academic interest, though i don't doubt that the information would apply every bit as much to any other colnago, past or present. or, indeed, any other road bike you may have sitting in the bikeshed. you may also be less than interested to know that "as of 2025, tadej pogacar rides with the shimano dura-ace di2 groupset on his colnago v4rs". at this point, those in the know might be left with a slightly quizzical look upon their faces, sufficiently well informed to know that, in fact, tadej rides the v5rs, a bicycle released earlier this year. he also rides the y1rs, and that too is presumably equipped with shimano's flagship componentry.

so why the colnago emphasis in today's monologue? is this part of a concerted marketing campaign masquerading as opinion? actually it's neither, really. yesterday, the italian-based bicycle manufacturer intimated the immediate release of its first venture into the world of artificial intelligence, offering anyone, though most likely colnago aficionados, the opportunity to ask questions relating across the 71 years of the company's existence. which, in my particular case, beggared the question, is ernesto colnago still in charge of the company? it has been a matter of record that more recent models have been bereft of his signature, once to be found on the rearmost portion of the top tube. brutally honest, colnago's retrieval-augmented generation technology answered thus:

'as of 2025, ernesto colnago is no longer in charge of the day-to-day operations of colnago. the company was acquired by a private equity firm in 2020, and since then, new management has been leading the company. ernesto colnago, however, remains an influential figure and an honorary chairman, contributing his vast experience and wisdom to the brand while being revered for his foundational role in establishing colnago as a legendary name in road cycling.'

i do wonder if ernesto would agree?

to a certain extent, this is a step forward (of sorts), though i still harbour suspicions that this emerging technology is not as ground-breaking as its adherents would profess. after all, answers to many of the questions you might be likely to ask, could probably have been answered by google (in fact, asking google which groupset the tour leader currently rides, results in the same information, as does enquiring after ernesto's ownership; google returned a more comprehensive result). however, i did enquire as to how one might verify the provenance of an elderly steel colnago frame, the response to which was reasonably comprehensive. but then, so was google's.

colnago's initial venture into artificial intelligence (admittedly flagged up as a beta, so there may be greater things to come) seems just a tad gimmicky; done because it can be, and not necessarily because there has been unprecedented demand. after only a few searching questions, the novelty began to wear off. and as with many instances of artificial intelligence, the responses are sometimes less than informative and just a tad contradictory. for instance, asking what grade of carbon fibre is used in the manufacture of the y1rs, results in an answer claiming that such information is not available in the documented evidence available to this particular version of 'retrieval-augmented generation technology' (which still thinks tadej rides last year's bike), and suggesting that i contact colnago. which is what i thought i was doing in the first place.

however, colnago did head up the press-release indicating that they expected the line of questioning to open up their considerable archive from the past 71 years. in response to asking if ernesto built frames for eddy merckx with his name on the down tube? "yes, colnago produced bicycle frames under the eddy merckx name during the late 1960s to early 1970s. ernesto colnago and eddy merckx had a close professional relationship, and colnago was known for building some of the custom frames merckx used during his career, including the bikes for his famous hour record in 1972.
"while the exact branding details could vary, and merckx later established his own brand, the collaboration between colnago and merckx during the peak years of merckx's career is well-documented."

billions of dollars have been spent on constructing energy-hungry data centres in which to house the thousands of computers necessary to answer largely unnecessary questions such as those outlined above, to say nothing of the software and large language model learning undertaken to bring us to this point. just remember that colnago also trumpeted being first to market with non-fungible tokens (nft) which accompanied any legitimate purchase of a colnago bicycle or frameset. and we all know how useful they turned out to be.

colnago's artificial intelligence

friday 24 july 2025

a bike ride

august on islay is the sort of month you'd be looking for if you have a hankering after keeping yourself occupied in the sort of interesting ways that possibly only the hebrides can provide. come the second day of the month, the annual ardbeg half marathon will take place, not, as the name might suggest, in ardbeg (the distillery is simply the sponsor), but ironically, from outside bowmore distillery at the foot of school street. the route takes the foolhardy half-way up main street, turns to the left along jamieson street, a right turn onto hawthorne lane and a further right turn onto high street, ultimately bringing the runners past the round church and onto the cruach road. almost thirteen miles later, they'll come past the church once again, this time heading all the way down main street to finish in front of the distillery which doesn't sponsor the race.

if you're lucky, or a particularly good runner, you might be able to complete the route in time to head southwest to port charlotte village by 1pm, or at least a mile or so outside the village to port mòr campsite for the annual rhinns gala day, now renamed from the original kilchoman gala day. this afternoon event offers bouncy castles, games, ice cream, seafood and races; just the sort of events that usually comprise gala days across the nation, though with the added extra of superb views across loch indaal to the eastern side of islay, and north to the paps of jura. were this not sufficient, come evening time, you can liisten or dance to north of the bridge, the very band in which i currently ply my percussive trade.

of course, this is supposed to be a velocipedinally-based blog, so perhaps the majority would prefer to avoid all of the foregoing, and instead, arrive at debbie's café for 10am on sunday 3 august, intent on participating in the annual ride of the falling rain, the midway point of which is ardbeg distillery which, once again, features in this circuitous monologue. let's face it, were you to avail yourself of all that i have described, there's a strong possibility, you'd need a holiday; a stroke of luck that, not only will you find yourself in the very place to partake of a vacation, but the following weekend offers even more for the intrepid visitor and local alike.

in 1825, robert stevenson commissioned the building of a lighthouse on the island of orsay, a few hundred metres off the portnahaven coast. to celebrate this momentous occasion, the good citizens of port wemyss (pronounced 'weems'), which includes the mighty dave t, along with their neighbours in portnahaven, have organised a lighthouse festival to celebrate 200 years of the light which shineth out over the atlantic ocean. (as a point of interest, the revolving light was decommissioned several years ago and replaced with one which simply flashes every five seconds - like the majority around britain's coastline, the lighthouse is entirely unmanned).

there will be various events held across three days of the weekend (8, 9 & 10 august), including yet another performance from north of the bridge, and boat trips across to orsay.

however, unless you fancied cycling to and from the most southerly point on the rhinns of islay, there's not much cycling involved. but let's face it, if you've made it to the second weekend of the month, you might as well stay on for the rest of it, if only to participate in a bike ride with cycling author and film-maker, markus stitz, who will be attending the islay book festival, held at various venues across the island at the end of august. the plan is to ride along the three distilleries path actually passing four of the blighters, though admittedly the first, at portintruan, has yet to be completed. it is followed by laphroaig, lagavulin and ardbeg from 2pm on saturday afternoon, 30 august, before we retire to the machrie hotel for a q&a session chaired by yours truly. this will be followed by the companion film to markus' latest book about bikepacking in the grampians. tickets are available for this event at a cost of £20 per person; if you don't fancy bringing your own bicycle, islay e-wheels will be happy to lend you an e-bike free of charge.

admit it; what more could you ask for? three working distilleries, a bike ride, a book, a film and refreshments at one of islay's more salubrious hotels. and all of this takes place on the isle of islay. now surely it doesn't get much better than that?

book your tickets for a ride with markus stitz

wednesday 23 july 2025

seamless

i own a rather fetching drum workshop, five-piece drumset (actually, i also own a smaller four piece kit, but that's for another day) to which i refer as my 'buddy rich' or 'gene krupa' kit, because, clad in vintage marine pearl, it closely replicates the setups favoured by both the above. it has been several years in the making, so the financial outlay has not been too onerous at any given point in time, but were it to become necessary to replace it for any reason, i'm not sure that my bank manager would be overly in favour. rather obviously, no matter its resemblance to buddy's or gene's setup, the ability of its owner to sound anything like the latter two gentlemen is minimal at best. however, one of the joys of modern society is, finance permitting, satisfying the uber-fan is eminently possible.

and i am just such a fan.

i will offer a smidgeon of self-congratulation, in that i assiduously practise every day to being my abilities closer to mr rich and mr krupa. i would prefer, however, that you didn't ask how that's going. there are those in the world of percussion who could achieve that which i have failed to reach, but that's hardly my point; the satisfaction of sitting behind a drumset of this allure and faux heritage is enjoyment enough. sadly, my current band's habit of ending each gig with a faithful rendition of the bay city rollers' shang-a-lang, would probably exclude me from the company of messrs rich and krupa were they still alive (please don't judge me - tis the session drummer's cross to bear.)

a similar state of unrequited hero worship must surely also impact upon the velocipedinal wannabe. colnago, pinarello, van rysel, trek et al, make no real secret of their willingness to provide replicas of the bikes supplied to their world-tour sponsored riders, from affordable specs all they way up to the embarrassingly expensive. well do we know that acquiring a colnago v5rs, resplendent with world champion stripes, will not bring any of us a tour de france victory in any of the years to come. in fact, the only chance of acquiring a yellow jersey while riding this example of italian heritage, is by mail order. i confess, however, that i do seriously wonder how many cyclists actually purchase a tadej pogacar replica colnago? it strikes me as an extension of the advice that only those who have won the world championship road race should wear the jersey (rule#16).

strangely, there seems to be less in the way of disparagement heading the way of the drummer who opted to purchase a tama bill bruford snare drum (who me?). perhaps the drumming community is one seen to be more benevolent than its velocipedinal counterpart?

but this also brings to the fore, the realisation that, as cycle fans, we are placed in a different position, vis-a-vis our hero worship, than that of the average formula one fan. though tadej benefits from colnago's expertise in the realm of bicycle design and construction, there's a case to be made for predicting that he would still leave jonas trailing in his wake, were he to be found aboard my ritchey logic road bike. as we have learned time and time again, despite the copywriters' hyperbole, it's the cyclist who wins races, not the bicycle. i would contend, however, that were max verstappen or lewis hamilton to be confined to a car from haas, or sauber, their tally of championship points would be a tad less than is currently the case. granted, they may fare better than the current drivers for either team, but in motor racing, the car plays a far greater part in proceedings than does the bicycle in the world-tour.

there is, of course, little in the way of a point to be made; no doubt on a venn diagram, there would be an overlapping section containing those who are fans of both sports, but it may also be worth pointing out that, subject to an appropriately remunerated bank account, cycle fans can acquire exact replicas of those ridden by the finest in the sport. search as i might on mercedes.com, i have been unable to find a formula one mercedes as driven by george russell. and should i have, even islay's police would take a very dim view of it being driven down bowmore main street.

so does this mean that we, as cycle fans (or drummers) hold the moral high ground? are we not besotted by a sport or musical endeavour that, despite the former's predilection for electronics, hydraulics and as few kilograms as possible, the bikes themselves are considerably environmentally less damaging than than any grand prix you care to mention? let's just pretend that the lengthy caravan of team cars, neutral service vehicles, press motorbikes and publicity vehicles exude the equivalent of candy-floss.

did i mention i also have a slingerland radio king snare drum?

tuesday 22 july 2025